Woman and Beauty

Should My Body Be My Friend or My God? Or maybe I shouldn't care about it at all, since the whole world seems too obsessed with it?

We live in times when women stand at a crossroads. It seems there has never been a moment in history that has offered women more opportunities, greater freedom to decide for themselves, and a broader range of choices. Yet, despite this, many women struggle to recognize their own worth and dignity. Who am I? Who should I be, and who do I want to be? What kind of woman do I want to become?

The difficulty in finding answers to these questions will be better understood by those who helplessly drop their hands in hypermarkets, spending a long time choosing the best laundry detergent or pasta from among dozens of packages that fill the shelves. Yes, indeed, women have plenty of opportunities to determine their authenticity, from the decision about their life role (whether to be a professionally active woman, a perfect housewife, or an ideal mother, for example) to choices regarding education, husband, number of children, religious worldview, and so on.

Mission Impossible

This nearly unrestricted freedom from traditionally perceived oppressors—men, the Church, public opinion, family, customs, traditions, etc.—does not necessarily mean the absence of pressure. Instead, today's pressure takes on a different philosophy and a new list of burdens. Now, in the name of liberation, new chains are placed upon women: excessive expectations, impossible demands, and tasks that cannot be reconciled with one another, requiring an unimaginable level of self-sacrifice. Due to the powerful influence of media propaganda, women often do not even realize the extent of these pressures—until they face a crisis of identity, depression, or disillusionment.

The ideology of success, the pursuit of wealth, and the dictatorship of pleasure—these and other forms of enslavement have replaced the old shackles. The cult of the body—forever young, beautiful, and perfect, endlessly modified and improved—demands ever greater sacrifices, while the standards of beauty and perfection have reached absurd extremes.

For the first time in human civilization, the ideal of beauty has become disconnected from health. There was a time when being "healthy" meant being "fertile" and "beautiful." Today, being "beautiful" means being "thin"—not necessarily healthy, and often infertile.

The prevailing ideal of beauty today is incomprehensible: we are expected not to age. The utopian dream of eternal youth—of beauty that defies age, of permanently smooth and firm skin—contradicts nature and is a falsehood. This illusion triggers panic in ordinary women every time they inspect their newly formed wrinkles in the mirror. "I'm aging, I'm losing my value, I need a facelift and more makeup," she thinks in despair.

Women react differently to this gradual, natural, yet unwelcome transformation of their bodies—to this resistance that the body itself puts up against the relentless chase for timeless beauty. Some pursue the ideal at any cost, regardless of the price. Others lose enthusiasm and resign themselves to their changing shape. Still, others are caught in a vicious cycle of obsession, anxiously tracking each failure and setback. Some harshly punish their "disobedient," "rebellious" bodies that refuse to conform to the race—torturing them with extreme diets or surgeries. Others, feeling betrayed by their own flesh, give up caring for themselves altogether.

Does God Love Matter?

How can a believing woman in this race find that for her, God, and not the body, is the ultimate goal and object of glorification? How should one relate to the body in order to shape it not according to the will of fashion dictators, but according to the will of the Creator? Should the body be my enemy or my friend? — Thinks the confused woman, because it can be both, and sometimes even at the same time. Or maybe I shouldn’t care about it at all? What’s the use of the “sinful body” if it submits to the main “earthly vanities”? We are supposed to care for the salvation of the soul, and the earthly remains will inevitably turn to dust sooner or later...

Regardless of how much we might be "focused on the soul," we cannot ignore the fact that the body is necessary for life, that we cannot do without it, that we cannot exist outside of it, and that our appearance and inner world, body and soul, form an integral wholeness.

However, it turns out there is good news. Namely: our soul is placed in the body not for punishment. For a Christian, the body is not a prison, not the "tomb" of the soul, as the idealist Plato thought, but an inseparable part of our humanity, a gift from God—just as good and beautiful as the soul. We cannot develop spiritually alone while the body lies in disrepair. Development must happen evenly. C. S. Lewis writes: there is no need to strive for a higher level of spirituality than that of God Himself. God never wanted man to be a purely spiritual being. That is why He imparts new life to us through material things like bread and wine. One could see this as a certain clumsiness or lack of spirituality. God does not see it that way. God loves matter. He created it Himself.

The Divine Mark

The Good News for us women is this: a woman can be beautiful! This is in no way inappropriate! Beauty is a good thing.

Moreover: God is beautiful. We often forget this aspect of God when talking about His wisdom, omnipotence, and so on. We rarely realize that He is Beauty itself. And that this divine trace remains in man, especially in women, as noted by St. Bohna Mlinaj.

The need to be beautiful seems deeply rooted in a woman's heart. Jacek Pulikowski said that a woman by nature strives to be "good and beautiful," while a man strives to be "wise," and there is truth in that. This remains true regardless of a woman's age. Her task, in this regard, should be to find the divine trace and care for it.

Care—but not idolatry or the pursuit of youth and beauty at any cost, against which we have been warned for centuries not only by countless fairy tale figures, from Snow White to Rapunzel, but also (and perhaps primarily) by the Holy Scriptures. The Apostle Peter, addressing those who express excessive falsehood through their attire, says: Let their adornment not be external—braided hair and gold rings or fine dresses—but let it be the beauty of the heart with an imperishable peace and gentleness of spirit, which is so precious in the sight of God (see 1 Peter 3:3). So, a person is defined not by their clothes or appearance, but by what they have in their heart, who they truly are.

But does caring for inner beauty mean neglecting external appearance? Sometimes it seems that among believers, there are some stereotypical views about caring for one’s appearance. For some, modesty justifies complete neglect of clothing and outward appearance. What matters is my inner self, so I shouldn’t or don’t have to wear makeup, change my hair color, or wear more elegant clothes.

Should I try to please my husband? But he swore before God, his duty is to love me as I am, and the opinions of others don't matter to me. Should I dress up and wear makeup? It’s degrading, it’s not right... Nature should not be tampered with, it will protect itself...

Caring for Beauty as a Form of Witness

Can a woman wear makeup? Or should the only function of a believer's clothing be to cover what is shameful and protect from the cold? Or must a modest outfit always be shapeless, baggy, and of an undefined color? Can it also be good, tastefully made, and fashionably cut, so as to highlight our outer beauty? Here, it is not about clothing revealing or overly emphasizing parts of the body that good manners and culture teach us to cover, but about the idea that clothing can beautify us. And perhaps, it could even be a form of testimony?

This is not about encouraging all women to chase fashion. Fashion does not often lead to elegance and does not add beauty to a woman; on the contrary, it can spoil her. But it is important to care for our femininity.

Journalist Eva Polak-Palkiewicz from "Niedziela" says: Saints Gianna Beretta Molla or Servant of God Anna Enke are women who were interested in fashion, dressed elegantly, and yet modestly. They had highly esteemed professions in their time and understood that in the right context, clothing is a cultural mission for a woman.

Yes, indeed, there is an opinion that Catholic women neglect the outward beauty that the Creator has given them. Perhaps this stems from the mistaken thinking of some women who believe they should not think about their femininity at all, that it should be hidden and masked. Meanwhile, every woman, regardless of age or state, has an obligation to care for her appearance.

Natural beauty is a wonderful gift, and if someone has received it from God, they should be thankful for it! But, it seems, we must admit that not everyone is equally gifted in this area, and only God knows why. One can care for beauty in different ways: one of my friends cannot stand makeup but emphasizes her femininity with her clothing; another acquaintance has a short haircut for practical reasons but wears not only pants but also skirts, and beautiful necklaces and earrings adorn her neck and ears. I know women who, due to various complexes, cannot leave the house without applying at least a little makeup because "the image needs retouching." Others view makeup as part of daily hygiene. And if makeup becomes "art for art's sake" or a sign of a harmful dependency, it probably shouldn't tempt us or be a reason for judging others. Sometimes, however, it becomes a splinter in the eye of a neighbor, in the form of mascara on eyelashes, and bothers us more than the beam in our own eye... But, in the end, in the Song of Songs, there is expressed amazement at the adornments that accentuate a woman's attractiveness: "How delightful are your cheeks with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels" (Song of Songs 1:10).

In the end, is a lack of care for one's body always just ordinary laziness? If so, then like any manifestation of spiritual "sloth," it must be fought against. Our body is not a tomb or a prison, but a temple of the Holy Spirit, as St. Paul writes—a place meant for serving God and glorifying Him. Therefore, let us make our "temples of the body" as beautiful as possible for the glory of God.

Be Beautiful Today!

Along with motherhood, we notice significant changes in our approach to our own appearance. Before having children, we might have thought more about how we looked, but after their birth—and often with a few extra pounds—the enthusiasm fades. Often, neglect of appearance is explained by a lack of time and fatigue from daily duties. There is so much on the mind, children demand attention, and sometimes the husband feels like "another child," so a woman thinks of herself last, or doesn't think of herself at all. She often leaves the matter aside, sometimes too easily and without struggle, as if it’s not so important.

At one retreat, one participant caught my attention: a very well-groomed and elegant woman—mother of five children, who were present there with her. I wondered how she managed this, as I struggle with just two. I asked her husband about it, and I was surprised when he corrected me: "No, we have seven children, two older ones stayed at home." I was stunned, but it was extremely telling for me.

I thought about what this really meant—it wasn’t about time or the lack of it, or an overload of duties, but more about the approach, the attitude toward oneself. Maybe it's about changing priorities, shifting from seeing the sacrifice of "everything for my husband, everything for my children," to also considering health, beauty, ambitions, and dreams as part of "more to keep for my husband and children," with health and beauty for them. Because children don’t want a perpetually exhausted martyr mom, they value a mom they can be proud of, enjoy, and imitate. The same goes for how we treat our bodies as a gift from God. A gift that requires our care to become something beautiful—like a picture in a beautiful frame, which gains added beauty and makes others praise its creator. That is, the Creator—us, in this case.

And what about the husband? Doesn’t he also enjoy our beauty and appearance? Our beauty is important to the husband, who looks not only with his heart but with his eyes. We clearly hear this in the Song of Songs: "How delightful you are, my sister, my bride! Your necklace has captivated me, your eyes have ravished my heart. How sweet is your voice, how lovely is your face" (Song of Songs 1:9-10).

And if we know that "men are visual," then why should their eyes linger more on models or colleagues at work than on us? Obviously, not every one of us is an icon of beauty and style, but in each of us is a particle of God's beauty, and we just need to uncover it. For some, it’s enough to smile more often. Others will need to put in a bit more effort.

During the era of skeletal figures, women who do not have model-like bodies easily fall into complexes and refuse to care about their appearance. Another pregnancy, holidays, all-inclusive vacation—and with the added weight, the desire to do something comes again. "I’ve gained 15 kg, so until I lose weight, I won’t go to the hairdresser or buy any clothes, why bother when I’m so fat?" says my colleague.

However, most of us know well that losing weight is a process that’s much easier to plan than to execute. The approach of thinking "if my figure is not ideal, it doesn’t matter what I wear, I’ll just put on a hairband, some worn-out slippers, and wait for the 'better years'" can be harmful if those "slim" years never come. I’m not trying to take away anyone’s hope, because from experience, I know what the regular struggle with unwanted pounds is like; but I strongly don’t support the approach of "postponing" efforts about one’s appearance to some undefined time. Time is precious!

For those of us who wish to be beautiful but don’t know where to start, I offer a few final tips:

1. Accept God's perspective on beauty: remember, we are wonderfully created.
2. Don’t destroy yourself: our goal is not to achieve perfection but to care for the body (health, well-being, aesthetics).
3. Make full use of what God has gifted you.
4. Let others help you (consult a hairstylist, makeup artist, or a good friend).
5. Set a realistic goal so you don't get disappointed too quickly.
6. Try to understand the balance between accepting the way God made you and taking responsibility for your body.
7. But don’t neglect efforts toward beauty (including outward beauty), because "a person's clothing, smile, and walk say who they are."

Be beautiful today!